hating you is a waste of my time.

i want a puppy
i miss that kind of love. 
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i finally found work that makes me really happy - and i do want to work more than i am now, but i want something that i could love almost as much as the salon i work in.
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some crappy nu-metal Korn rip-off started playing at the salon today
i cringed and thought back to four years ago - when i had no real, founded opinions on culture or music or most things, and there's a small chance that i would've maybe been ok with that horrible excuse for a band[?]  No, I should give myself more credit...
anyway, i was just beginning to truly branch out of whatever mold i had proped myself into in high school and in masters-
and now... wow.  i have changed so much. 
and though many close to me have, in thier searching, backed away from faith, my intellectual pursuits have kept me here... reading CS Lewis and exploring and thinking for myself - not through a pastor or a parent - but through my own processes, and i'm finding peace.
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my vision for my life is being refined...
i love it.

i'm not finished
i have so far to go
so far not sure where i'm going
not sure where i'm staying
who i will be when it's complete or who i will want to be when i am complete[d]
i don't think people ever reach that stage though

there is a burning
there is so much forward movement in my heart
but my body is still [here]
still waiting
still working it out

my mind is fire
i close my eyes and images are burning against the normalcy of my current life
i could get the hell out of here if i wanted
i walk through the streets that i have imagined
but i know this place is home
and i love it here
and i'm still just planning
still just walking this fine line between reality and ambition

i want to live beyond anything i have
how do i do this?
i want everyday to be an expression of what is inside me
i want how i love to be a reflection of how I am loved [unconditionally]
i want my hands to create like his words created
i know it's his essence
and i know he made me this way